A Widow’s Grief
A widow’s grief varies by individual, but I believe all of our hearts are connected by this deep tragedy. I still identify as a widow, even though I’m remarried. For me, it’s a battle scar I wear proudly. I didn’t ask for it, no one expected it, and yet one day I got a phone call and the title was thrust upon me. He was dead. In a car wreck, at a bad intersection. In the blink of an eye, he was gone and I was left behind, a 28 year old grieving widow.
I will never forget that night. There is still pain, there are still scars, and I am still dealing with the trauma of a significant loss. The trauma does not just go away because I chose to move forward with my life. I have physical, mental, and emotional scars from the tragedy that may never fully heal.. or maybe they will?
Only time will tell.
I used to hate when people said it “gets better with time”. I do not agree that it gets better with time, but I think life gets more manageable, things are put into perspective, and you have physical time & space away from the tragedy, so in those specific ways, I guess “it gets more tolerable with time.”
Loss is significant.
Grieving is something everyone does, but few do well. Learning to grieve in a healthy way is something I have spent over a decade working on. Long before I was married to and widowed by my first husband.
My mentor and professor in college told me, “we need to grieve all the time, even for the little things.” He understood immense grief because he lost his son in a car wreck too! He had learned through pain and was a wounded healer teaching others to grieve. In 2008, I began my long journey of learning to grieve in a healthy way (I told you it’s been over a decade!) My mentor was not saying we needed to be mopey all the time, he was saying we need to recognize change, whether good or bad, allow ourselves to grieve the change and then move forward with our lives.
When we learn to grieve in healthy ways, then we are able to better transition when family and friend relationships end. When we lose pets and loved ones, when we do not get the job we want or get rejected by a date. When we ALLOW ourselves to grieve, instead of doing unhealthy behaviors and building up walls, then we can make healthy connections with even healthier people who come into our lives.
Grieving is cathartic really!
Why do I talk about grief and being a widow?
I tell my story because there is power in everyone’s story. I talk about the grief and struggle I faced because not enough people discuss this topic. I want to shine light on “taboo topics”. I want to talk about grief, heartache, abuse, communication, and struggles to help others (and myself) find freedom.
I believe there is great freedom to be found when we tell our stories and when we allow ourselves to heal from the scars. And best of all, I think our scars make us the best versions of ourselves, the most raw and real versions that can truly help others. I share my widow journey so other widows know they aren’t alone and so that everyone knows, life hasn’t always been easy for me and yet, I CHOOSE JOY!
To learn more about me and my life’s passions, click here.
*If you know a widow suffering with grief, send her my way. I will talk with her and help her find resources she may need. Or maybe she needs friendship and mentorship and I can provide that as well. I want to provide as much assistance as possible because I understand a widow’s grief.
