You may notice the word “again” in the title. Yep, that’s what I meant, again. I was first married when I was 24 and then widowed at 28. I am now remarried and I often reflect on lessons learned as a newlywed. My life and marriage have not been typical, but I can honestly say I am grateful for what I have learned and for who I have become.
I wanted to share the lessons I learned as a newlywed for the second time. Some of these lessons may just come with age, some are based on experiences, and others are from the countless couples I work with.
I was barely out of college the first time I was married and my second marriage I was 30. Without further ado, here are some lessons I have learned as a newlywed, hope you enjoy!
1. Run the dishwasher every night.
Trust me. Try this for a week then message me what you think. (You can thank me later.) Neither my husband or I like to do the dishes, but doing a load every night somehow makes it seem more manageable.
2. If you see red flags in the dating relationship, listen to them.
The red flags don’t go away and they often get worse in marriage.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Over communicating is always better than the opposite. Let your partner know how you are feeling, what your hopes and goals are, and be honest if you don’t want to move somewhere.
4. Learn how to truly be vulnerable.
This one is tough. But if you can’t be vulnerable with your spouse, your marriage will suffer. Being vulnerable means admitting when you are wrong. Telling them your heart’s desires and being honest about topics you don’t typically talk about. Vulnerability is the key to a happy marriage.
5. You CAN truly be comfortable in your own skin with your partner.
This is such a beautiful gift! When you are able to be vulnerable, best friends with your partner then you are allowed to be unapologetically yourself.
6. Love who YOU are.
How you feel about yourself effects your marriage and most all other areas of your life. Learning to love who we are is one of the greatest gifts we can give our partner.
7. If you’re not comfortable about something in your marriage, talk about it, don’t let it fester!
This one is HUGE! If something is bothering you, tell your partner. Don’t bury it way down deep, because that will only lead to future problems and personal heartache.
8. It’s ok to seek outside help for yourself or your marriage.
Having a counselor you see regularly or a marriage counselor on speed dial is always a good option if you need a neutral third party to help you and your partner. Asking for help does not show weakness, in fact, it shows great strength.
9. Talk honestly to trusted friends about what’s going on in your marriage.
This will help you learn what is common behavior and they will be able to help you see any red flags or abusive behavior you may miss.(PRO Tip: Don’t go to your spouse’s mom with their bad behavior they will often defend him or may not see the behavior as negative because it’s an unhealthy accepted family trait.)
10. Register for quality over quantity on your registry.
You will most likely receive many gifts for your wedding, now is the time to register for nice items you will cherish for years, not gadgets that will break within a year.
Venue: Dara’s Garden in Knoxville, TN
